Marriage is a Journey

For those of you who are contemplating to get married it might be a good idea to read a few good books. One by Kevin Leman called “Making Music Under the Sheets.” The other one “The Seven stages of Marriage,” by Sari Harrai and Rita DeMaria.
The wedding day is the big day when you say your I do’s and start your life together. The Holy Bible defines marriage as a union between a man and a women. God created man and women to be together.
The first stage is the passion phase; The romantic honey moon where only the two of you matter. Chemicals are unleashed that increases energy, changes your personality and suppress the need for food or sleep. Honeymoon passion lasts for 6 months or 2 years it is a time to take your relationship very seriously to another level to forge trust, respect, emotional intimacy and sexual closeness.
The next phase is Realization Stage; where partners find each others flaws. During this stage each partner find things that they don’t like such as not rinsing the plate when putting it in the dishwasher or snoring. It’s during this period where reality sets in. It’s in this stage where you or your partner may pull back or cling on. Both partners realize that they have to work on communicating to each other to achieve happiness
The Rebellion Phase; also known as the most volital and destructive period in a marriage where each person yearns that taste of freedom. Divorces happen in this stage. Happiness takes a huge dip 4 years into the marriage and if nothing improves it take s another dive in 7 or 8 years. In most cases, couples cruise smoothly through this stage without drama or frustration.
The Cooperation Stage; also known as a transformation period where partners become business partners because of increased stress including children. Couples have no time for fun or intimacy. They’re always in a rush. It’s during this period that couples need to schedule time off together for sex, intimacy and fun.
Reunion Stage; couples reunite as friends and lovers. It’s during this stage where kids leave home and you start to have some time to be with your partner. You also start new projects or your partner may want to pursue a different career.
Explosion stage; a catastrophe! Family crises can all happen at any time. T could be a pink slip or a phone call that the mother in law is at the hospital.
The next stage is the Completion; It’s the culmination of a life together. It is during this period that things are blissfull. A sudden plunge into deeper intimacy with your partner. Even when your 40s, 50s, 60s, couples learn new things about each other.
The Golden stage; in this phase both partners spend a lot of time together and are even happier than when they were going through their honey moon or the passion phase.

Couples that have children from a prior partnership can create problems. This creates problems because children will fight over dominance of birth order. The best way to handle the house hold is to treat it as a corporation. This eliminates animosity between step brothers and sisters with house chorus. It also helps if both partners join together when discussing punishments.
Dating a partner with children can be tricky depending on the age of the child. Since children prefer to have 100% of the attention they have to share their mother or father with someone who isn’t related to them. In some cases the child may become rebellious because the new boy friend or girlfriend may appear to be taking over their territory and parent. This can changed after a few years with communication and love.
Waiting to have sex before marriage will carry more benefits and meanings than having it before marriage. The reason for this is discipline and a meaningful relationship. Studies have shown that 78% of couples were a lot happier together from the day they married when they were in their twenties all the way to their eighties and nineties. Men learn a lot more about themselves from their wife than men who settle for one night stands.
Men and women who don’t discipline themselves to wait to have sex with their partner lose. The reason is that they carry the feelings of old lovers into the marriage with their future spouse instead of waiting for these memories and feelings to subside on their own. The sex becomes a lot better for couples who wait until the honeymoon.
Marriage wasn’t designed to be a weakness. It’s a journey for two partners to go on and share their experiences. There have been studies in China that prove that arranged marriages have found benefits. The young couple not knowing a thing about each other have fallen in love with each other. Louie Anderson said; even couples who had very little in common always found something to do together.
One-hundred and fifty years ago women were considered property like a horse. A husband could kill his wife for adultery. It wasn’t until the nineteen-fifties when laws gave women more rights. The civil rights movement pushed for stricter laws, making it illegal for men to beat their wives.
In the 1950-60s and 70’s the divorce rate began rising. The divorce rate is almost 50% because of the change in laws. The reason for this is because women are better at verbal fights and men act on the impulse of being physical. Men have testosterone levels that make it difficult for them to control their temper. Divorce is an easy way out; divorce never existed until King Louie the VIIIth challenge the church to divorce his queen to marry another women.
My conclusion and advice is that couples should take a marriage class, read books on love and relationships. Seek out the local church or village hall for these classes because they eliminate divorces by 80%. You can also find the information in the books I read from the beginning. It’s not always about the destination, but the journey with your partner.

Ryan Keith Johnson
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